Violets and Pinks

Just a few little musings today as I try to ease myself back into blogging. I really enjoy writing, but I must admit with working five days a week I find it hard to find the time, or I forget or I'm simply too tired.   I want this to change though, otherwise I will always be finding an excuse not to be writing!  

With the spring arriving and actually warming up for a sunny day or two, we've been persuaded out into the garden.  My first foray outside was actually a rescue mission - the grass went into overdrive and the lawn warranted a good mowing - but the lawn was also strewn with teeny, tiny violets and I couldn't let them be devoured by the lawn mower, so I picked as many as I could - much to the annoyance of my teen boy who 'needed' lunch at the very same moment!   With such tiny treasures I needed the right pot to put them in.

Off I went with a particular old glass salt pot in mind, though little direction as nothing has really found a home yet, despite being back for over a year now.  I'll have random days of tidying or decluttering and stuff just gets moved - I do frustrate myself at times!  Along the path of not knowing where to look, I found the perfect pot.  A little egg cup I'd bought at one of last year's Vintage Car Boot sales in Yarmouth.  Perfectly decorated with Holly Hobbie,  The egg cup is dated 1978 - the time I carried round my own Holly Hobbie doll in matching patchwork bag!   It's 40 years ago!  Where has all the time gone?  Holly Hobbie is still a fond memory, and my mini Holly Hobbie still sits in my bedroom (she is awaiting a new hairdo as her hair unfortunately fell off).   Why does it not feel like 40 years?  Time is rather mystifying to me at the moment - I still remember where I bought my dolly, it feels like no time at all since my twins were babies and they now have their own life in Australia and now my youngest is a teenager ...

and here's a very tenuous time link - the life cycle of a flower - it happens year after year, the seed growing, a beautiful flower blooms, then it withers and dies.  Much like my lovely pink camellia ( I think it's a camellia!).   This was taken a few days ago, I love how it looks like God got his paintbrush out with the perfectly placed stripes, but now the flower has faded and gone brown ...  I'm not saying I'm withering and wrinkling like an old flower, but maybe it's good and healthy to look at our lives as a process, then we can be kinder to ourselves as we age and time passes.

Maybe it's time to stop musing :) 

Larissa

Here and Now

As usual here I am, entering at the eleventh hour!  There are other here and now stories to link to on the Say Little Hen blog :)

Loving //   The fact that spring finally is coming out of hiding!

Eating //   Far too much chocolate

Drinking //  Spicy orange fruity infusion!  Comforting beyond measure :)

Feeling //   Peaceful - long may it last

Making //   A mess ... playing with colours to paint better faces

Thinking //   About the good things in life ... like the hawthorn blossoms I saw this morning, and took the time to admire.

Dreaming //   All the lovely summer dresses I could make. 

Ooops!  On checking I've just discovered that the chance to link up my blogpost has expired, but I'm still publishing as it's a good exercise in gratitude and a lesson in meeting deadlines!

Join in next month with me (around the 10th of the month!)

Larissa x

Oh my ... how time does fly ... in the blink of an eye ...

Oh my ... who would believe we are already one quarter of the way through the new year ... and this is my first blog post of 2018!

It's taken me ages to get around to publishing this post - I've been thinking about what to write; procrastination has led to inaction.  I've been scared to admit that I have been unwell.   Everything that has happened in my life over the past couple of years or so finally caught up with me and I caved under the weight of complete overwhelm.   Although it's been a part of my life (diagnosed at least) for over 20 years, it is still difficult to admit that I struggle with depression and anxiety.  Someone said to me the other day that I shouldn't let it define me, and of course she was right but it got me to thinking, do I over-identify with it?  If I let it rule my life completely and was unable to function at all then yes, that might be the case.  However, I believe that I have come to an acceptance that this is a part of me, and I have to learn to  manage it and most of all to love myself even with this 'shadow' aspect.  A few years ago I remember saying to myself that I would never have depression again and that I would fight it with all my might ... and how did that work out?  As you may have guessed, not that great, basically the more I resisted, the more it persisted!  After a particularly nasty episode, I decided to walk towards it, and 'befriend' the anxiety and depression (I know how weird that sounds, but that's how it is), and since then I've come to more of an understanding of myself and how my mind works, I'm able to function and find a (stumbling) way through the mess.  I still fall, but then I get up.  If that's identifying with my depression, then I am happy to carry on.

What's really helped with me this time is my creativity - I've been making myself paint, even when I didn't feel like it and even if I felt my creations were awful!  A fair few were scribbled over, ripped up and put in the bin, but maybe that was all part of the process.  Now I feel like I'm coming out the other side, everything feels calmer and I'm actually enjoying the painting.  I can tell you, forcing yourself to do the painting when you're not enjoying it is hard, but I'm glad I persevered.  And admitting I was feeling sad and having a really good cry helped more than you can imagine!

Did any of that make sense at all? :)

What I'm trying to say is, I still feel a little heart-sore, my head is not working at full capacity, but like a toddler I'm finding my way.  It feels good to be back, and I'm going to try and blog more as writing is another creative activity that makes my soul sing xxxx    The sun is shining too.

love to everyone out there, wherever you are on your journey x

Larissa

PS  The artworks are mine from the Lifebook 2018 lessons.  You can still sign up to join - I think it's fab!